WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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