I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
