I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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