i permit you to call me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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