The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
