Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
