So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
