I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
