duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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