At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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