The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sorry about my life...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
