They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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