so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
