i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
