DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize