good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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