Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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