I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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