Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize