I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
