Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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