hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
