I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
