dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
