Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
