Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
