We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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