smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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