I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize