I hate your face
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
