Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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