Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
