Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
