I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize