When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
