they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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