i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
