I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
