This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
