That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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