too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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