whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
