You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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