I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
