i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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