you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
