she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
MIDGETS
????
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
