The maid of honor just puked.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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