I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
