So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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