I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
