i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
