but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
