Who wears a wallet chain?!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
