it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
