fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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