I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
