My Higher Power is John Stamos
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize