she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize