btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
