How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
