His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
