I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
