your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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