When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
3 2 1 whiskey
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
