well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't turn off my feet"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize