There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
