I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
