I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
