I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
