if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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