haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
