Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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