could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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