I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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