Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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