Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
