shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
