Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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