so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
